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Thoughts

Resignation

Normally resignation is known to be formally giving up one’s office or position. But there is a much deeper meaning to this term that is detrimental to emotional and spiritual life.  Oftentimes the admittance of defeat with a defeatist attitude is the catalyst of this type of self destruction called resignation.

The attitude can start with some sort of protest based on the realization of a loss, even a loss from the past such as during one's childhood which could have been chaotic or traumatizing.  This realization can lead to a resignation which goes far deeper than admitting or grieving because the view goes from recognizing a loss into seeing oneself as the loss.  This is not losing oneself in the sense of our Lord increasing as we decrease, rather, a loss of who we are and Whose we are.

Any conclusion or decision regarding our losses can either remove us from the people and things we enjoy, or fully engage us.  Consider a man who has lost his wife earlier than expected.  His grief is so heavy that he vows to never allow himself to fall in love with another person.  Slowly his harsh expectations of himself and committments or vows made because of this  lead to a corrosive attitude that  shadows the freedom to fall in love again.  We must remember that out of our loss we can either experience or deny to experience.  Any expectation at these vulnerable crossroads must be met with careful skepticism and reevaluation of committments or vows made at earlier times in our life as we surround ourselves with the tender love from community or friends.

The irony regarding resignation of self is that it creates a gratifying sense of control in uncontrollable and chaotic circumstances that often resemble former ones.  The thought process is as follows: If I remove myself from any possibility to lose, then I will not lose.  The unfortunate thing however is that this false sense of control is really weakness overcoming oneself when the goal was overcoming weakness.  Think of one who drinks too much. The alcohol has a feeling of strength and invincibility, but really it slows down and distorts good judgement.

From what cup do you drink?  Out of the one that blurs and weakens the vision you have of yourself and of others? The one that staggers your every move so much that it feels that you are to remain immovable? The one that makes you someone you swore you would never be? 

Or, do you drink of the One that gives us eyes to see and ears to hear that frees us into freedom and invites us to be ourselves simply because we are loved?

Energized Sensitivity

When His promises are greater to me than the despair of my broken ones, I stop hating my weaknesses and limitations that are expressed through self-obsession and narcissism. Psalm 119:140

Not only do callousness amd numbness begin to fade, but gentleness even towards myself is empowered. Psalm 119:70

70 Times 7

The ultimate puzzle that generates cross words because we are puzzled by the word cross.  Luke 17:3-5

Understanding

Awareness taken deeper through obedience.

Anointed Point

A person who makes a difference instead of making only a point will, by example, point out the differences of how pointless a point can be if it makes no difference.

The Aye in Pain

A child is drawn to the promise of honey but is almost always surprised by the presence of bees. Deuteronomy 1:44

The stings of disobedience tend to make us feel that we must move out of the childlike state for all the wrong reasons We feel we must grow up and earn the right to hurt this much.

We challenge ourselves to “be a man or woman” when we feel the pain of a mistake. In our pride we are shocked that we would make a mistake or fail. We can’t hear our pain over the proud voice of self-reliance. Some of our worst mistakes are made from drawing wrong conclusions from undeniable truths. Galatians 4:8,9

Why is this? Pain is the most difficult of all the human conditions. Because of this, our views become distorted when pain humiliates us. We even refuse comfort that is strengthening thinking that it’s power might be used against us. Job 23:6

Pain is confusing to a child yet a child will continue to run to the parent. As we grow older the confusion of pain has deeper effects on us that we try to interpret with our own limited wisdom and experience. We pray as Jeremiah did to not hurt us for hurting so much. Jeremiah 10:24 Even when willing or forced to get help we find it difficult to the see the “goodness” of it. Hebrews 12:7-13

What is this goodness that often makes me feel as a naked man frantic in a house full of bees?

King David asked for a sign of this goodness in Psalm 86:17. He wrote about it in Psalm 142:7 and 81:16. Is it not the Christ with His gift of forgiveness and repentance to know Him? Acts 5:31

When you know Him you know the Father, son. John 14:9-14

Ask as a child and hear the aye of the Father. 2 Corinthians 1:20

Hear the whisper. Job 4:11-13

Go

Tuned in whether decked out or not.

Grief Observed

A sorrowful heart that feels alone is the greatest grief.

Strapless Boots

Self hatred is not redemption. We spiritualize self hatred through self criticism to motivate ourselves into needed changed behavior. We are to yield to Someone greater than ourselves rather than pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. To pray for courage stops the insults of self hatred and inspires succeess while giving the freedom to fail. Straps are practical. But, they cause us to often rush back into what we saw as our vision without realizing a vision unfolds according to inspired revelation in real time. Real time revelation creates in us the power to adapt to unforeseen or unexpected changes along the way.

Even mistakes that are made are then spiritually transformed into an upward gradual learning curve of confidence that lifts us after falling. Reboots. Psalm 71:5

Beauty in the Beast

What is counterintuitive is often counterinstinctive. A right hook against a wrong jab by overcoming evil with good. Psalm 73:21-26

Intuitively Instinctive

It's always shocking how much pain and fear can make me forget my God-given instincts.  Things work out more according to my preparedness rather than my plans since life is so full of inconsistencies, paradox, ambiguity, and uncertainty.  Beware when we have the ability to force our plans and are prepared only to enforce them forcefully when adaptation to change is instead required.

Stage 3 Grief

Anger is the third stage reached after the initial stage of shock from an event and the second stage of sadness in the process of  grieving. We often have others in our presence  during this third stage who try to stop us from being so angry when anger intensifies with forms of blame attached to someone rightly or wrongly. However this can derail or delay the grieving process.

Anger is necessary in order to search for what could have been, even with forms of blame attached. Temporary blame can personalize the wound at deep levels needed for true healing and forgiveness to begin to occur, though self guilt may be felt from the blame.

Anger's search for what could have been reaches its purpose when the search ends in acceptance of what is. Then I can say I am what I am and life begins anew for me.